by Ludwig Bemelmans I was going to start this off by telling you an anecdote about my dad. Last weekend my uncle told me that he was struggling to switch from freshwater fishing to saltwater fishing, and wished my dad was still living in Vancouver so he could help out. "Your dad,” he said, "would research everything meticulously, come up with a bunch of theories on how to solve the problem, and then make us test out all his ideas one by one. He’s great at mapping things out.” I wanted to use this anecdote to explain where I get my need to intellectualize—I’m just like my dad in that
I really identified with what you wrote Ava. My favorite go to defense has always been Intellectualization which is a pretty handy way of negating my intuition and emotions. I wanted to lesson this tendency so I tried meditation which helped-a little. Then 2 years ago I started seeing a really wonderful ACT therapist and now for the first time in my adult life I feel that I do not need to over intellectualize every single thing that bothers me. I think the ACT framework helped (Accept your feelings but don't obsess over them. Then do something that matters to you and reflects your values) but even more important was the therapeutic relationship, because it allowed me to let go of my death grip on not really feeling my emotions and using my intellect to explain them away instead.
Its really interesting because I came to have a similar realization in the last few weeks too. Suddenly I'm noticing my feelings much more intensely, for me though it feels as if I've been repressing them most of my life and now its finally safe for them to come out..
"Even when emotions don’t “make sense,” they have value." I read this and felt eerily seen. "makes sense" is my most-used phrase and there's something about its placement in your blog that hits home. Beautifully expressed, Ava.
Wow, this is pretty honest and reflective, it's awe-inspiring - I relate, I know how uhh feelings can be.
In fact I'm one of those who often get emotional. On the other hand, when I tried not being emotional as in attempting to be a robot, I noticed that... it's not quite it, it's "wrong". It's complicated being human.
Also I met someone who did what you used to do, and it's... kinda sad. Sadly our friendship ended because of feelings.
There's a book I'm going to read that's related to this. The title is, "The Heart" by Dietrich von Hildebrand. It seems a bit strange, but I found it's reportedly because it's a work of phenomenology. But the author was said to write well, so it won't be as bad as other phenomenologist writing. And no, I don't need an anatomy book.
I really identified with what you wrote Ava. My favorite go to defense has always been Intellectualization which is a pretty handy way of negating my intuition and emotions. I wanted to lesson this tendency so I tried meditation which helped-a little. Then 2 years ago I started seeing a really wonderful ACT therapist and now for the first time in my adult life I feel that I do not need to over intellectualize every single thing that bothers me. I think the ACT framework helped (Accept your feelings but don't obsess over them. Then do something that matters to you and reflects your values) but even more important was the therapeutic relationship, because it allowed me to let go of my death grip on not really feeling my emotions and using my intellect to explain them away instead.
After Roam, this substack is the best thing I pay for monthly. Thank you, Ava.
Its really interesting because I came to have a similar realization in the last few weeks too. Suddenly I'm noticing my feelings much more intensely, for me though it feels as if I've been repressing them most of my life and now its finally safe for them to come out..
"Even when emotions don’t “make sense,” they have value." I read this and felt eerily seen. "makes sense" is my most-used phrase and there's something about its placement in your blog that hits home. Beautifully expressed, Ava.
Have you ever explored Internal Family Systems?
Hey, do you have any good books related to this??
Wow, this is pretty honest and reflective, it's awe-inspiring - I relate, I know how uhh feelings can be.
In fact I'm one of those who often get emotional. On the other hand, when I tried not being emotional as in attempting to be a robot, I noticed that... it's not quite it, it's "wrong". It's complicated being human.
Also I met someone who did what you used to do, and it's... kinda sad. Sadly our friendship ended because of feelings.
There's a book I'm going to read that's related to this. The title is, "The Heart" by Dietrich von Hildebrand. It seems a bit strange, but I found it's reportedly because it's a work of phenomenology. But the author was said to write well, so it won't be as bad as other phenomenologist writing. And no, I don't need an anatomy book.
Ps- please add me to the geneva group too :)
Oh my goooood! So relatable. Thank you for writing <3