It’s fascinating to me how quickly that feeling of quietness always seems to replace the sleepless nights immediately after I go through a life decision like moving or quitting a job.
It’s like a constant stream of internal second-guessing for months leading up to the decision. Late nights ruminating over where those alternate paths might lead.
But then after following through on the decision, the quietness sinks in. The mind stops being as restless. As if the mind can’t bear juggling all those alternate fantasies by itself, but once we’ve finally chosen one, it can settle.
"Lately I’ve been struck a sense of unusual clarity. It feels like a fever breaking. It’s not clarity in the sense that I’ve been hit by a big revelation—more just that I feel newly equipped to assess my reality. I see what’s working and what isn’t."
I've been feeling this lately too and the language that you put to it makes me feel even more confident in leaning in.
“Sometimes when you talk to someone your own reaction betrays you. You realize, through conflict, what you actually want to do.”
This is so true. I love surrounding myself with people who don’t sugar coat things, who support me *by* challenging me. It’s these people that have influenced me most for the better
"We all know people who’ve been contemplating a big change for way too long, but are consistently unable to pull the trigger. They’re paralyzed, caught on something within themselves, always blaming external circumstances: it’s the wrong time. Sometimes we give up on them. But then one day they actually make the change. And you’re like: well, that took you way too long. But I’m glad."
We can't give up on them! Maybe friends.. but not best friends. Best friends aren't just close people that we're vulnerable with, they're something special. They're people who we've opened a door to, a door that brings with it the permission to really care.
And with that permission comes the obligation to fight for them. Even when they're blinded and have been for too long. And they have to KNOW that we will. And that it may seem frustrating and unreasonable, but it's because we're the backstop.. if we don't fight then who will?
Being best friends should be like punching a one-way ticket free of the bystander effect. It's our collective problem now and we're just another voice living alongside them in their head. A literally diffembodied voice but one that gets to be on the inside and not the outside of the collective self.
I love this line: “But just because something is difficult to decipher from the outside doesn't mean it's not clear from the inside.” At the end of the day, your internal compass which helps you navigate life trumps all voices. It silences all the others. And that’s all that matters
sometimes stepping out in faith by following your passion can be feel isolating and can often have you doubting whether it was the right decision or not - I think it’s because there has been a shift to your routine + overall environment.
with time (as cliché as it sounds), it will all make sense.
often times we don’t immediately feel that satisfaction but one thing I remember reading from a well-known psychologist and minister is: “people mistake peace for boring as it’s unfamiliar.”
We make decisions based on the belief we have choices but deep in our hearts, we already know what we want so choice becomes an opportunity to hesitate, which makes making decisions harder.
Your shift from why we change to the circumstances that causes change aligns with the illusion of choice and the loss of our intuition.
I also left my old job on 5/15, the very week you did, and started a new job in film. It's less stable and and it pays less, and in many ways, it's a ludicrous choice to make. I also analyzed my decision in a million different ways, and it drove me nuts. But I'd been wanting to make a switch into the industry for years, and for me it was three out of the four things from Maxwell's quote that really made me make the change-- being inspired enough, learning enough, and being able to. I talked to all of my close friends about it, and they were the ones who instilled in me enough confidence to take the leap of faith. The thrum of anxiety is real, but I feel solace knowing that it will turn into a low hum that will hopefully dissipate.
I've been going through the largest change in my life. With that has come heavy decisions that are often hard to weigh. What's given me hope is the clarity I hope to find at the end of this storm. This piece has inspired me today that I'm not alone in these feelings and that there in fact is that peace after moving through this current position.
Congratulations on making so many leaps of faith - such courageous choices that will have unknown (and unknowable) effects.
“The word on my mind is insular—my life increasingly seems to be structured in pacts, promises, intuitions that are hard to unpack for others. But just because something is difficult to decipher from the outside doesn’t mean it’s not clear from the inside.”
This resonates deeply. Just last night I described to my mother how I have an extremely clear vision of a future that is fuzzy, and that I feel incapable of explaining it to others. Intuition is so often like that. Some understanding that is impossible to put into words, but you just know it to be right. Maybe it’s being aligned to the divine.
Whatever the case, thank you for putting this into words, and for the Maxwell quote. I can’t wait to see how your new found freedom informs your writing.
Terrific read! Felt very relatable because I’m going through very similar emotions lately. Especially loved where you talked about “the moment before”.
Yes, I think the conflict I am in right now is more a direction of where my life is taking me. Where do I want to go and am I worthy of even thinking of going in that direction? It is a self-esteem and self-worth issue that I am constantly battling. People have these great sayings such as "Love Yourself." What does that even mean? I am learning finally to be kinder to myself and not take things so personally however its one step forward two steps.
It’s fascinating to me how quickly that feeling of quietness always seems to replace the sleepless nights immediately after I go through a life decision like moving or quitting a job.
It’s like a constant stream of internal second-guessing for months leading up to the decision. Late nights ruminating over where those alternate paths might lead.
But then after following through on the decision, the quietness sinks in. The mind stops being as restless. As if the mind can’t bear juggling all those alternate fantasies by itself, but once we’ve finally chosen one, it can settle.
I really love this quote:
"Lately I’ve been struck a sense of unusual clarity. It feels like a fever breaking. It’s not clarity in the sense that I’ve been hit by a big revelation—more just that I feel newly equipped to assess my reality. I see what’s working and what isn’t."
I've been feeling this lately too and the language that you put to it makes me feel even more confident in leaning in.
“Sometimes when you talk to someone your own reaction betrays you. You realize, through conflict, what you actually want to do.”
This is so true. I love surrounding myself with people who don’t sugar coat things, who support me *by* challenging me. It’s these people that have influenced me most for the better
"We all know people who’ve been contemplating a big change for way too long, but are consistently unable to pull the trigger. They’re paralyzed, caught on something within themselves, always blaming external circumstances: it’s the wrong time. Sometimes we give up on them. But then one day they actually make the change. And you’re like: well, that took you way too long. But I’m glad."
We can't give up on them! Maybe friends.. but not best friends. Best friends aren't just close people that we're vulnerable with, they're something special. They're people who we've opened a door to, a door that brings with it the permission to really care.
And with that permission comes the obligation to fight for them. Even when they're blinded and have been for too long. And they have to KNOW that we will. And that it may seem frustrating and unreasonable, but it's because we're the backstop.. if we don't fight then who will?
Being best friends should be like punching a one-way ticket free of the bystander effect. It's our collective problem now and we're just another voice living alongside them in their head. A literally diffembodied voice but one that gets to be on the inside and not the outside of the collective self.
I love this line: “But just because something is difficult to decipher from the outside doesn't mean it's not clear from the inside.” At the end of the day, your internal compass which helps you navigate life trumps all voices. It silences all the others. And that’s all that matters
sometimes stepping out in faith by following your passion can be feel isolating and can often have you doubting whether it was the right decision or not - I think it’s because there has been a shift to your routine + overall environment.
with time (as cliché as it sounds), it will all make sense.
often times we don’t immediately feel that satisfaction but one thing I remember reading from a well-known psychologist and minister is: “people mistake peace for boring as it’s unfamiliar.”
🤍🤍
We make decisions based on the belief we have choices but deep in our hearts, we already know what we want so choice becomes an opportunity to hesitate, which makes making decisions harder.
Your shift from why we change to the circumstances that causes change aligns with the illusion of choice and the loss of our intuition.
Actually crazy--
I also left my old job on 5/15, the very week you did, and started a new job in film. It's less stable and and it pays less, and in many ways, it's a ludicrous choice to make. I also analyzed my decision in a million different ways, and it drove me nuts. But I'd been wanting to make a switch into the industry for years, and for me it was three out of the four things from Maxwell's quote that really made me make the change-- being inspired enough, learning enough, and being able to. I talked to all of my close friends about it, and they were the ones who instilled in me enough confidence to take the leap of faith. The thrum of anxiety is real, but I feel solace knowing that it will turn into a low hum that will hopefully dissipate.
This is excellent - just what I needed. It both articulates the process that I’ve recently gone through and encourages me to go for it.
I've been going through the largest change in my life. With that has come heavy decisions that are often hard to weigh. What's given me hope is the clarity I hope to find at the end of this storm. This piece has inspired me today that I'm not alone in these feelings and that there in fact is that peace after moving through this current position.
Congratulations on making so many leaps of faith - such courageous choices that will have unknown (and unknowable) effects.
“The word on my mind is insular—my life increasingly seems to be structured in pacts, promises, intuitions that are hard to unpack for others. But just because something is difficult to decipher from the outside doesn’t mean it’s not clear from the inside.”
This resonates deeply. Just last night I described to my mother how I have an extremely clear vision of a future that is fuzzy, and that I feel incapable of explaining it to others. Intuition is so often like that. Some understanding that is impossible to put into words, but you just know it to be right. Maybe it’s being aligned to the divine.
Whatever the case, thank you for putting this into words, and for the Maxwell quote. I can’t wait to see how your new found freedom informs your writing.
Wow so happy for you that you can quit your job for writing. A writer's wildest dreams🥹
Terrific read! Felt very relatable because I’m going through very similar emotions lately. Especially loved where you talked about “the moment before”.
Yes, I think the conflict I am in right now is more a direction of where my life is taking me. Where do I want to go and am I worthy of even thinking of going in that direction? It is a self-esteem and self-worth issue that I am constantly battling. People have these great sayings such as "Love Yourself." What does that even mean? I am learning finally to be kinder to myself and not take things so personally however its one step forward two steps.
"Sometimes when you talk to someone your own reaction betrays you. You realize, through conflict, what you actually want to do."
how true! i just had a personal experience with someone i just met. it felt like we'd been friends from a past life or something... it works amazingly