by Willem de Kooning I used to joke that I got too much of what I wanted and not enough of what I needed. Looking back, I was really trying to say that I didn’t understand what my needs were. Of course I had some vague sense of them—like everyone else, I require some combination of community, a healthy relationship, and meaningful work—but because I couldn’t articulate my needs with any specificity, I couldn’t make the correct decisions about what would satisfy me and what wouldn’t.
Even knowing what feels good is hard to know. I've often enjoyed what feels very good to do, with a lot of guilt, because it is a 'waste of time' according to a constant voice in my head that sounds exactly like someone I know and love. So these things I love to do, as I'm doing them, don't feel that good - they feel even dreadful at times cos of all the guilt. Getting your own voice to be louder than the other voices is the first challenge. Only then can you listen to what it's got to say. And I'm still working on this stage.
Thanks for sharing your writing. I read your pieces as soon as they hit my inbox.
It's definitely a problem of the fortunate that you describe: the luxury of choice, which is also a challenge because it comes alongside raised expectations and a sense of responsibility for the outcomes. I've personally found myself pivoting slowly away from happiness and towards meaning, which feels more robust, less selfish and better at helping me sustain motivation when things are hard or boring. Thanks for sharing.
I feel this most strongly with regards to relationships - for much of my adult life I would ping-pong from one extreme to the next, trying to find someone that "fit" when I didn't understand myself well enough to know what it would look like when they did. When I did, I realized my needs are not as unique as I wanted to believe, but I've accepted it. :)
the constant urge to try things out and jumping on different bandwagons drains your brain to the extent where you lose interest in your sight and the hedonic treadmill makes sure that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. After reading this post I understood that there is a difference between wants and needs. Wants are something that the brain inculcates based on your surroundings and environment. Needs make sure that there is constant progress in your character.
Even knowing what feels good is hard to know. I've often enjoyed what feels very good to do, with a lot of guilt, because it is a 'waste of time' according to a constant voice in my head that sounds exactly like someone I know and love. So these things I love to do, as I'm doing them, don't feel that good - they feel even dreadful at times cos of all the guilt. Getting your own voice to be louder than the other voices is the first challenge. Only then can you listen to what it's got to say. And I'm still working on this stage.
Thanks for sharing your writing. I read your pieces as soon as they hit my inbox.
It's definitely a problem of the fortunate that you describe: the luxury of choice, which is also a challenge because it comes alongside raised expectations and a sense of responsibility for the outcomes. I've personally found myself pivoting slowly away from happiness and towards meaning, which feels more robust, less selfish and better at helping me sustain motivation when things are hard or boring. Thanks for sharing.
When you lose yourself, remember who your heroes are, to find yourself again
I feel this most strongly with regards to relationships - for much of my adult life I would ping-pong from one extreme to the next, trying to find someone that "fit" when I didn't understand myself well enough to know what it would look like when they did. When I did, I realized my needs are not as unique as I wanted to believe, but I've accepted it. :)
the constant urge to try things out and jumping on different bandwagons drains your brain to the extent where you lose interest in your sight and the hedonic treadmill makes sure that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. After reading this post I understood that there is a difference between wants and needs. Wants are something that the brain inculcates based on your surroundings and environment. Needs make sure that there is constant progress in your character.
thx u :-) needed to hear this today
My heavens. You described my life to a T.
'deep knowledge of who you are'! Those one was very introspective. Thank you!
The struggles of economic prosperity: choice.
You're along for the ride.