i. My hands were shaking. My hands shook when you texted me and when I was sitting in your beat-up car driving over the Bay Bridge. They shook when I talked to my friends about you. They shook when we were sitting across from each other at the darkened restaurant, waiting for shakshuka and two glasses of orange wine. When my hands shook I drank to steady them. Then I felt worse the next day. Falling in love was six months of my hands shaking. At the time I wrote this in my journal:
it feels like this was written just for me, presently shaky-handed small "me," slowly, ostensibly unfolding into Self, yearning earnestly to relinquish every single thread, and yet simultaneously desperately declaring himself to be known via icky gushing adverb-laden digital comment
Love the metaphor with the backpack contents spilling out.
I am exploring that tension of caring about something (work-related) and the competition and attachment that comes with it. It has been years since I let go completely after a period of burnout. Slowing all the way down is better than my previous ways of going about it.
High arousal combined with high valence is a rare state very few people are privileged to experience in my opinion. If this is your default tendency, then it seems like a quantum leap to have gotten to a point where you can let go even slightly.
on non-attachment
it feels like this was written just for me, presently shaky-handed small "me," slowly, ostensibly unfolding into Self, yearning earnestly to relinquish every single thread, and yet simultaneously desperately declaring himself to be known via icky gushing adverb-laden digital comment
Love the metaphor with the backpack contents spilling out.
I am exploring that tension of caring about something (work-related) and the competition and attachment that comes with it. It has been years since I let go completely after a period of burnout. Slowing all the way down is better than my previous ways of going about it.
High arousal combined with high valence is a rare state very few people are privileged to experience in my opinion. If this is your default tendency, then it seems like a quantum leap to have gotten to a point where you can let go even slightly.
Any particular reason for choosing 'non-attachment" over "detachment"?