Every woman I know grew up in the shadow of a female cultural ideal that seemed both achievable and totally impossible. Tina Fey and Gillian Flynn have articulated it better than I can, but it goes something like this: you should have the body of a Kardashian, the brain of a nuclear scientist, and the personality of a Hawaiian surfer. You should be beautiful but low-maintenance, loving but not needy, accomplished but non-threatening, opinionated but not annoying. When you grow up aspiring to this ideal and getting praised when you approach it, you get seduced into believing that 1) it’s possible to achieve the ideal and 2) not adhering to it is your failure + all bad things that happen to you are a direct result of that. Basically, it’s always your fault for
Thanks for another great post! Found this sentence really interesting
> You don’t realize that you’re myopic and self-obsessed and cruel.
The whole paragraph and this sentence in particular feel so personal and so self-critical that it feels like the shadow of self-hatred is still there even as you're trying to reject it. Curious if this was intentional.
Always enjoy reading your thoughts and really looking forward to the next one :)
This resonated brightly like a tuning fork. Thank you for writing this piece.
I read the first paragraph of this several times. It is so insightful that it made my hair stand up. Then it just got better.
it's scary how well this article knows me; I resonated deeply with every item on the list. what the hell Ava!! but as usual, great read.
Wow, this is such a good essay. Applause.
Thanks for another great post! Found this sentence really interesting
> You don’t realize that you’re myopic and self-obsessed and cruel.
The whole paragraph and this sentence in particular feel so personal and so self-critical that it feels like the shadow of self-hatred is still there even as you're trying to reject it. Curious if this was intentional.
Always enjoy reading your thoughts and really looking forward to the next one :)
Oof. So many of your pieces make me feel so seen yet so attacked at the same time hahaha. Thank you for this!